March 6, 2011

All last night and this morning I struggled with the fact that I might be left alone once again in this world, just like my past.  This feeling of having to fend for myself crept back.  No real home to call my home and no real protector.  Defenseless once again, but this time it is much deeper and wider because I am now responsible for 4 precious children.  A mother of 4 with no means to support them, feed them, house them, clothe them.  All of the basic needs a child has, I have no apparent way to meet those needs.  If I was to get a job who would watch them, how could I ever make enough money to provide for them with no real skill?  The demand and needs are soo great and I am soo deficient!  It began to overwhelm me and push me into a pit of despair.  All the while I would remind myself "no, Christ is the prize, seek first His kingdom, God's love is so vast that He sent His Son to die for me", but that pit still grew and grew.

And then, Oh my precious Redeemer, my One true Friend comforted my whithered desperate soul!

. . . In Thee the fatherless findeth mercy  Hosea 14:3

"This is an excellent reason for casting away all other confidences
and relying upon the Lord alone.  When a child is left without it's natural
protector, Our God steps in and becomes his guardian. 
So also when a man has lost every object of dependence
he may cast himself upon the living God and find all that he needs. 
 The writer of these pages knows what it is to hang on the bare arm
of God and he bears his willing witness that no trust is so well
 warranted by facts, or so sure to be rewarded by results, as trust
in the invisible but ever living God" 

Charles Spurgeon

I was flooded with my Saviour's peace and once again felt His hand on my chest calming my soul.  How wonderful and great He is.  There just doesn't seem to be the right words to adequately describe His worth.  No word holds enough weight to describe His overwhelming care and love for His people.

Why would He save such a wretch?  Once again I questioned His care for me and the children.  As if He were not able and willing to provide!