August 3, 2011

It has been 4 months now since my love has gone home.  The ever present longing to be united in heaven with Michael is still with me.  It sometimes floods over me till rivers of tears pour out.  But, oh the grace of my sweet Saviour is still ever present to calm my heart and reassure my torn and tattered soul.
What would I ever do with out my Lord.  What a sweet presence He has been in my life.  Such a testament of how true and unwavering His Word really is.
What a paradox of feelings exist within me.  Sometimes the anger and questions of why well up, but just as His Word promises, He reels me back into Him and floods me with His love and promises to keep me.
It is not me that is holding fast to Him, it is his grip on me that has kept me from falling into the deep deep ocean of grief.  What a wonderful God I have.  All good really is from Him.  He does all the work, even when my weak and frail heart fights Him, He, like a loving and devoted Father holds me tight and whispers of His unfailing love fill my soul.

"We are not taken up into conscious agreement with God's purpose, we are taken up

into God's purpose without any consciousness at all.  We have no conception of what

God is aiming at, and as we go on it gets more and more vague. God's aim looks

like missing the mark because we are too short sighted to see what He is aiming at.

At the beginning of our Christian life we have our own ideas as to what God's

purpose is and we go and do it and still the big compelling of God remains."

Oswald Chambers